Oh, What Gorgeous Hair!: "stupidly long, blond hair"
Eyes Like...: No idea
Sue-type: Back Alley Sue
Of Course, She Owns...: A lot of modern terms
I Didn't Know He Had a Sister/Cousin!: N/A
She's From Where?: Don't know
Whose Girlfriend is She, Anyway?: Racetrack's
Notes:The spelling and accent get worse as the story progresses, she keeps using very anachronistic terms, and she doesn't really follow any sense of logic. In one chapter she claims her mother died in child birth and in another she talks about a story her mother used to read to her. Not to mention, nothing actually happens in this story! Zip! Zilch! Nada!
Excerpt(s):"Well, if you want you can stay in the empty bunk.. That is if you don't mind staying in a room with a ton of boys." He told me.
I thought for a quick second before answering him. "Definintly." I mean seriously... stay in a room with a bunch of hot guys? Duh.
So in her Sue World not only do girls and boys sleep in the same room/bed all the time in the 1800s, but they also refer to guys as being "hot" and say "Duh." "Well 'dis is fun." I told him as we slowly moved forward. I could hear the Delancy brothers yelling at some random kid. He looked really young and defenseless until he punched Morris in the face.
I laughed at this and Jack just kinda looked at me fuuny. 'I guess he didn't see the boy punch Morris.' I thought to myself.
"Whatda laughing about?" Jack asked me.
"Ummmm...some random kid punched Morris in the face."
This is her very first day of selling papers ever...yet she knows who the Delancey Bros. and can recognize them?!?!?"Are youse toiking steriods?" I asked him still trying to push him off.
More anachronistic references!
Finally, I have to include three different excerpts here to clear up the mystery of Artemesia's mother:
(1) "Artemsia . " I answered him. I loved that name and it was my grandma’s and her grandma’s and the one before that! We were just a brood of Artemsias.
(2) "Well my fatha , he died in a factory accident 1 month before I was born and my mudda, she died in child birth. I was sent off to a orphanage in Manhattan by the family in the next apartment.
(3) "I don't really knows. Maybe 'cause of a book my mudda once read to me..."
Excerpt (1) would indicate that she knew her parents (or one of them at least), since she knew after whom she was named. Excerpt (2), though, claims that not only did both of her parents die before she could really meet them, but she was sent to an orphanage by another family. Yet in Excerpt (3) she claims that she remembers her mother reading to her. Which is it, Artermesia?
Best Line: I looked up to see one of those hoity-toity ladies. The ones that would laugh at me and try to explain that my husband couldn't do that to me. They would laugh because of what I'm wearing or that I'm a newsie. Then they would see any brusies I had and try to tell me about my husand. It was like a double insult and no matter what, they never believe me. I usually go with the old, 'Youse should see what de otha guy loiks like.'
Does this line even make sense?
I posted last year that I was hoping for some pointers on what I should do with my upcoming newsie story. Well, well, well, people! Guess what? I have no job, yet, I'm accepted to a college and school is over for me. So, I've started revising and posting my newsie story on fanfiction. Yes. Please hold the painful pape throwing until the end. Haha.
I would love it if someone decided to spork the story. x] No, really love it. My first few chapters are quite boring though, so, if that person wants to spork it, they can of course wait until it gets more...Mary Sue-y? Yes, I think that's a good adjective. Hehe.
Thank you for the future sporking (insert crossed fingers here).
p.s. a link to the story: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3365643/1/Fallen_Leaves
Also, if someone wants to know some information that hasn't been written or shared yet, and would be useful for the spork, feel free to ask questions. =]
Hey, hey, hey! I've got a new one here:
Title:Skittery and da goil
Oh, What Gorgeous Hair!:N/A
Eyes Like...: N/A
Sue-type: Angsty Rich Girl
I Didn't Know He Had a Sister/Cousin!: Well, one of the them has a rich twin brother
She's From Where?: A rich family
Whose Girlfriend is She, Anyway?: Skittery's, or so I assume from the title
Rating: I'd say maybe two. There are very few grammatical/spelling errors and the use of the accent seems to stop with the title.
Notes: Lily is rich (and makes slingshots?). Her parents want to marry her off to a rich man. She doesn't want this. AngstAngstAngst etc.
"Benjamin answered first, " I have one other brother but we don't talk about him." I cautiously tried to get him to answer my question," Why not?" I batted me eyes innocently. He leaned in and whispered quickly," He was and is my twin. He left to join the "newsies" and my parents disowned him."
Yes, because obviously living on the streets and starving is totally better than having money. If I were a rich kid in the 19th century I'd be all about starvation and stuff.
Best Line: "She clapped her hands in delight and left the room before I had a chance to tell her there was no way in hell I was marrying my father, even if he wasn't my REAL father."
Sorry, that jsut made me giggle.
Title: High Times and Hard Times Suethor:
sabor ice Name:
Letty "Dreamer" Collinsmith Oh, What Gorgeous Hair!:
brown Eyes Like...:
Fiesty!Rape Victim Of Course, She Owns...:
Racetrack's heart, Spot's turf (after he retires) I Didn't Know He Had a Sister/Cousin!:
Ten-Pin's her adopted little brother. Then he dies (the Delanceys kill him) so she can angst. She's From Where?:
Brooklyn. Spot's sidekick apparently.Whose Girlfriend is She, Anyway?:
Racetrack's, but Mush has a thing for her as well. And she and Sarah are BFFs, though she can't understand why Sarah is actually into wearing dresses. Because it's not, like, normal
She's raped by the Delancey (yes, BOTH of them), Racetrack and Mush fight over her, Medda gives her a makeover, and Spot makes her the leader of Brooklyn. FIVE YEARS FOR YOU, MISSY.Notes:
The author opens the story with the note "The story takes place around the time Pulitzer raises the price of the Newsies' papers. It centers more on what was happening with newsies on the inside rather than just Jack and David's crusade." What this basically means is that she feels that she can screw around with canon as much as she likes, including not having Racetrack get arrested (so he and Dreamer can snuggle *gags*), having Jack escape from the refuge the same day David shows up (and it's implied that he's been there for awhile) and having Jack not come back from Santa Fe for no apparent reason. Basically, she take canon and smashes it over her knee. On the upside, she doesn't feel the need to drag Sarah through the mud, but I have a feeling that's only because Dreamer isn't inerested in Jack. It's just a horrible, horrible mess. Excerpt(s):
Best Line: “'Oh, yeah? Yeah?' Spot wondered, his face now only inches away from hers. 'My sources do not lie.'” That made me laugh hystically for some reason.
Alright well this is my first post since I'm a new Livejournal user. Anyway, I was going through the posts and decided to post this up.
First, hi, how is everyone? Great? Haha, okay. I'm working on a newsie fic and I've decided to come and ask for some opinions on things. I'm working on a series of original stories and I've been trying out characters in fan-fictions. Also I've been trying to progress my style while figuring out what kind of genres I prefer.
Enough about all that, I have some questions about writing newsie fics. If anyone would answer that would be great.
1. Would it be better to have the newsie accent in the dialogue?
2. Is it possible to have a female character put into the newsie universe without her being a Mary-Sue? Or at least an obvious Mary-Sue?
3. Are there characters that you think are ignored or misrepresented? Like Oscar and Morris always trying to attack the girl.
4. What are plot lines that are over-used? Is there something that you would really enjoy seeing in a storyline?
5. Are details important? Like describing something simple like characters hanging out instead of saying something simple such as "they ate and left. It was fun."
Just some questions that can help me make sure I don't disgrace Newsies too much. I do have a plot line that I'm hoping will be more interesting than others but still I would like to have opinions.
Behold me as I attempt to bring this community back to life!Title
: BabydollOh, What Gorgeous Hair!
: Not mentionedEyes Like...
: Again, not mentionedSue-type
: Raped sueOf Course, She Owns...
:The refuge. After her mom died, Babydoll took it over...I Didn't Know He Had a Sister/Cousin!
: Kid BlinkShe's From Where?
: Brooklyn...maybe?Whose Girlfriend is She, Anyway?
: I have to say 5. Notes
:This is...yeah. I can only pray it’s a joke. The one redeeming factor I can find is that she isn’t writing in the accent. Still, the story follows no logic, she obviously hasn’t proofread her things or gotten a beta. Not to mention, the story is just generic. Oh, and she keeps referring to Jack as “Jake.”Excerpt(s)
: ( OMG LONG LOST SIB!Collapse )( Damsel in DistressCollapse )Best Line
: “Kid Blink and I were walking down to Medda’s because I needed a job and I was a great singer and dancer well that’s well Kid Blink say’s.” (Of course you are. You’re a Mary Sue!)
Hi... some of you on the NML might know me as Marty. I just found this by following the link in this month's "Banner" and I have to say, I love it... but it seems like everyone disapeared!!! So, in hopes of reviving this community, I decided to post.
Title: Starcrossed lovers (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2543756/1/
Suethor: Sweet Peach Blossom (http://www.fanfiction.net/u/864926/
Name: Peach Blossom
Oh, What Gorgeous Hair!: "Strands of her pretty blond hair fell out of the bun she put it in and framed her face angleicaly"
Eyes Like...: not mentioned
Of Course, She Owns...: A copy of Romeo and Juilet
I Didn't Know He Had a Sister/Cousin!: Racetrack and "Traintrack"'s cousin. Traintrack is apparently Race's sister...
She's From Where?: Georgia
Whose Girlfriend is She, Anyway?: Mush and Spot... ooh, she has not one, but two lovers...
Rating: Five years... this is a disaster...
Notes: Traintrack??? That's warped... And Spot likes Romeo and Juliet... and is quoting Shakespere (the author keeps spelling it "Shakespear")... He wants to be Romeo in Medda's production of it, so he can get closer to Peach who's going to be Juliet. There are fifty million spelling errors, and everyone's character is completely wrong.
After the show Traintrack and Peahc Blossom weer walking back to the lodgin house together. “SO I heah you’se was takling to Spot.”
“Yeah so/” Peach Blossom asked.
“What ddi he want?”
“Nothin. We ran inta each othah.” Traintrack had almost become Spot’s girl, but in the end didn’t.
“Ok, if y a say so!”
When they got to the loding house, the boys were all playing poker. Traintrack wanted to be delt in, but Peach blossom didn’t know how to play. So she sat by Mush instead. Mush grinned slightly.
“Hiya peach!” Spot was there again.
“Hey! Long time no see. “She joked. He nodded. “Why ain’t ya playin?”
“I don’t know how to!”
“Well I’se could teach ya”
Mush stood up. “No, I’ll teach ‘er!” he shouted.
“Kay” Spot shrugged. “I was jus offering.”
“Yeah, well don...” Mush saidd angrily.
Peach Blossom watched him in suprise. She had never seen Mush that way before. What could have brought it on?” She shrugged it off and continued watching the game in intrest.
Best Line: "Oh, I love Romeo and Juliet!"-Spot
God help us all...
Alright, I'm sporking a second fic... and this thing is, seriously, THE WORST Sue I have ever read. I am not exaggerating here. It's only one chapter up so far, and about 2500 words long. Considering that it ought to be one huge excerpt in itself, I'm making rude comments throughout the whole text. My question is, would it be alright to post the whole story behind the cut? Or is that too long? I can link to an entry in my own journal, if that would be better. Somebody answer me, this one's a real doozy and I'm angsting to post it!
Hi there, I'm Kathryn, or Sketch to any of you NMLers. I love fanficcing and I highly enjoy making fun of people, so I joined up. ^^ Here's my first sporked offering. Stick a fork in 'er, she's DONE!Title: "Couldn't Ask For More."
Part 1 of the Bean Trilogy. (Oh God, there's two more?!)Suethor:
TakeOneLook (Or Flit on NML.)Name:
Anna Willer/Samantha Nicole Parker, (The second name is the one given her by her adoptive parents.) nicknamed Bean.Oh, What Gorgeous Hair!:
"Shoulder-length, dirty-blonde hair."Eyes Like...:
"Beautiful green eyes."Sue-type:
Actually, delightfully commonplace. She's the one Jack finds being harrassed by the Delanceys, then takes back to the LH and under his wing.Of Course, She Owns...:
She gets a journal from her biological dad toward the end of the story. He says she has a "writer's spirit" even though we haven't seen her do anything that resembles writing throughout the entire story. She subsequently decides she'd do anything to work at a big newspaper.I Didn't Know He Had a Sister/Cousin!:
"He slung his arm around Bean and gave her a brotherly squeeze. Jack had been Bean's family for the past two years, ever since he saved her from the DeLancy brothers. It was right after her parents died in a train wreck."She's From Where?:
She thinks her parents died in a train crash, but actually her real dad got taken into prison and her real mom died after. She gets lost and then finds this couple that adopts her. Then her real dad comes back to find her, which he does in, say, three chapters.Whose Girlfriend is She, Anyway?:
She dates Skittery first, but Racetrack is secretly in love with her. Then she breaks up with Skitts. But, uh oh! Now Racetrack has a girlfriend! That's ok, they break up later. Convenient! Something going on with David, too, that makes them not exactly close, but close enough so she can spill her emotional guts out to him on a fire escape.Rating:
Not too terrible in characterization, but overall 3 Refuge years for the whole series. (I only sporked Part 1.)Notes:
My first effort at a decent spork, and I didn't want to be really mean, 'cos I <3 Flit.Excerpt(s):( Veronica the secondhand Sue and the awful accenting.Collapse )( Headline: Dirty Girl Found in Alley with Delanceys, Cowboy Comes to Rescue. Any way to improve that one?Collapse )Best Line:
"Twenty minutes later, Race strolled back towards the jewelry shop with $7.00 in hand. Skittery and Dutchy had joined in the poker game, and Race whooped them all. He didn't even need to bum any money off of Jack." (Admit it, that's so Racetrack.)
So sorry I haven't been keeping the community alive! But the show I was in is now over, and I have a lot more free time on my hands.Title: My AlienSuethor: StormShadow21Name:
Annabeth Hudson. Unless her last name is Hart.Oh, What Gorgeous Hair!:
I don't know, but it's supposed to be ugly.Eyes Like...:
Same as above.Sue-type:
Unattractive SueOf Course, She Owns...:
Nothing, apparently.I Didn't Know He Had a Sister/Cousin!:
Amazingly enough, she isn't related to anyone.She's From Where?:
"Annabeth Sr.’s daughter was the ugliest item to spill from her body since she was thirteen years of age and had finally received God’s evil curse to females."Whose Girlfriend is She, Anyway?:
Two Years, because she was at least trying to not be a Sue.Notes:
My opinion of this story is that it's trying to do the same thing that I did in Heave Ho!, but is failing and managing to turn an Anti-Sue into a Sue. She's unattractive, flat-chested, and doesn't need a man--but she gets in trouble, talks back to Spot, and gets taken back to the Brooklyn Lodging House. It's just...trying too hard.Excerpt(s): ( Confusing Much?Collapse )Best Line:
They were all acting like underpaid actors in a terrible play.